The "B" Word

A lot happened since the last time we’ve taken T.E.A. together. Instead of boring you with the details, I’ll sum it up with today’s topic…Boundaries. One of the first things I ask my coaching clients to do before our first session is writing out their workplace boundaries. They struggle with identifying boundaries for the most part because they don’t have any. Listen, you cannot have a work-life balance if you do not have boundaries. We struggle with the workplace, relationships, and family drama because we lack boundaries. The past week revealed an area in my life where I lack boundaries, and I, too, got sucked into the fray. However, because I know the importance of boundaries, my self-awareness pulled me out of that place. That’s what you gain when you learn to set boundaries, self-awareness. We’re notorious for saying, “don’t nobody know me like me”. I beg to differ; you don’t know yourself if you haven’t set boundaries.

Boundaries are not the same as limitations. When setting your boundaries, make sure they do not evoke black and white thinking. Such a mindset will distort your ability to be present at the moment. What do you mean? If someone or something gets too close to my boundary, I don’t just ignore it or them. I make a conscious decision if I want to entertain the matter and how much of the situation I will entertain. Once I feel the issue too much, I kindly fall back and remove myself. Of course, later, others may ask why I did contribute or jump in? My reply is, I didn’t have anything to offer, so I kept quiet. See how that worked? I picked the battle, and I did not allow anyone to pull me into their struggle.

There are so many benefits to setting boundaries. Think of a boundaryless person as someone with the gates open, allowing anything and everything to come into their space. The fastest but hardest way (for some) to set a boundary is by saying “NO”. Did you know that every “NO” does not require a justification? It’s a fact. We love to justify our no’s, but rarely do every have to explain our yes. Think about that. The guy gets on one knee to propose; the girl says yes…everyone’s happy. Girl says no and get a million questions asked. Listen, when it comes to you and your decisions, think twice before you justify your no. And if you have to, try saying “because it’s my choice to make”. Setting boundaries will, without a doubt, rub some folks the wrong way. Why? Because society has conditioned the masses to accept “no” as a bad or negative thing (that’s a whole blog in itself). We cannot serve others wholeheartedly if we fail to establish and maintain personal boundaries. Servant leadership hinges upon your ability to master self-awareness first. Empty leaders build empty leaders.

T.E.A. tribe, I hope you examine your actions and set new boundaries. Take charge of your life, your situation, but most importantly, YOU. Here are three thought-provoking questions to get you started with setting boundaries are a professional leader.

1.      In what area of your life do you need to set boundaries? 

2.      What is so scary about saying no without a justification?

3.      What boundary can you put in place today?   

You deserve this. You deserve to lead others without feeling neglected or burned out. When you’re ready, I’ll be here. Until next time… S.I.P. away!